You know, I'm a pretty good councellor: I listen well, and give pretty good advice. Usually, when someone tells me they're going through a break-up, I tell them to cut the ties completely. I didn't follow my own advice with Squeaker, and I just got reminded why it's a good idea...
Don't misunderstand: I've been wanting her back. But I had pulled back, trying to give her space for her new relationship to work. Tonight, I sent her a text (related to work), and found out she was drinking: in her words, "to bring her problems to the surface".
Now, I don't know 'bout any of y'all, but that sounds (to me) like someone who could maybe use a little help, who's in pain. And I can't see someone in pain without trying to help.
I'm an idiot that way.
So... I spend about an hour, hour 'n' a half talking to her, via texts. She mentioned how "nobody can help me, not even myself", which sounded (to me) like she was giving up on herself. So I kinda hammered on that for awhile. And she responded with "I'm not giving up! I'm his"...
To me, this sounded like she thought the entire time I spent trying to help, was only an effort to "win her back". Made me feel like a complete idiot.
I could've been spending the time with Spoon. Or working. Or stabbing myself in the testicles with a rusty icepick. Instead, I was trying to help. And I got my emotional ass handed to me for my troubles.
Fuck that!
Up to this point, there was a part of me that really wanted her to come back. To try and make things work. That part just got locked away by the rest of my mind, in a deep dark hole. Kinda the way society used to deal with the mentally handicapped, which is kinda what that part of my brain is...
I know she occassionally reads this blog. And maybe, she hopes things can be cleaned up. Honestly, I don't trust her anymore. And without trust, there can't be love...
So folks, let this be a lesson: when someone leaves you for another, cut them out of your life as completely as possible. Maybe, at a later date, things can be revisited. But if you don't make that clean break, you're in for a world of hurt...
6 comments:
Damn. I can't offer anything other than what you already figured out for yourself. I've had to learn that same lesson. Three or four times, actually.
Sage advice.
Done it myself a couple of times and the ice pick would have been much better.
Hope things get better.
Agreed as above: the ice pick is always the better option.
Better to have loved and lost, yada yada yada.
Kinda makes you want to find the guy that came up with that and punch him in the nose sometimes.
Thanks for the kind words, folks. There will be more to this "saga"...
Thank you.
Yeah, Yeah. Kinda odd I know. But you just said more or less what I've had runnning around in my head for the last 6 years. I'm in a great marriage now (one similar to your own) and the only way it would have happened was me finally getting a tad bit brighter and walking away clean from the old one. No helping them "find themselves" no offering to still be their one and only ear. That way just leaves to kicks in the stomach and heart ripping tears (as I don't happen to have the testicles to stab with rusty objects...)
Hurts like hell to do, but at least everything heals straight. Ish. More or less.
Good luck, and if you should need them, a couple of Zen hugs are flying your way (dodge them if unneeded).
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