29 June 2008

Relationship lessons

You know, I'm a pretty good councellor: I listen well, and give pretty good advice. Usually, when someone tells me they're going through a break-up, I tell them to cut the ties completely. I didn't follow my own advice with Squeaker, and I just got reminded why it's a good idea...

Don't misunderstand: I've been wanting her back. But I had pulled back, trying to give her space for her new relationship to work. Tonight, I sent her a text (related to work), and found out she was drinking: in her words, "to bring her problems to the surface".

Now, I don't know 'bout any of y'all, but that sounds (to me) like someone who could maybe use a little help, who's in pain. And I can't see someone in pain without trying to help.

I'm an idiot that way.

So... I spend about an hour, hour 'n' a half talking to her, via texts. She mentioned how "nobody can help me, not even myself", which sounded (to me) like she was giving up on herself. So I kinda hammered on that for awhile. And she responded with "I'm not giving up! I'm his"...

To me, this sounded like she thought the entire time I spent trying to help, was only an effort to "win her back". Made me feel like a complete idiot.

I could've been spending the time with Spoon. Or working. Or stabbing myself in the testicles with a rusty icepick. Instead, I was trying to help. And I got my emotional ass handed to me for my troubles.

Fuck that!

Up to this point, there was a part of me that really wanted her to come back. To try and make things work. That part just got locked away by the rest of my mind, in a deep dark hole. Kinda the way society used to deal with the mentally handicapped, which is kinda what that part of my brain is...

I know she occassionally reads this blog. And maybe, she hopes things can be cleaned up. Honestly, I don't trust her anymore. And without trust, there can't be love...

So folks, let this be a lesson: when someone leaves you for another, cut them out of your life as completely as possible. Maybe, at a later date, things can be revisited. But if you don't make that clean break, you're in for a world of hurt...

26 June 2008

Sometimes, a distraction is enough...

Well... things have been going well the last few days.

Spoon lost her job selling shoes (LOOONG story: she got screwed). And she turned around, and got two others. One doing outside sales (which she may or may not keep), and she's also doing home care.

I had a dry spell for two years: couldn't even get a call telling me to go pound sand. Now I've got this job with the magazine, and I just got a call for an interview for a position at the Maritime Museum. Wouldn't be much: fairly low pay, but it would be extra money (and I love history anyway)...

The personal life still has it's issues, but I've met some cool people to help distract me. Spoon, of course, is still here: don't think I COULD get rid of her. And we've met a couple REALLY cool people through a new website called "Biker or Not". One of whom, we'll be meeting in realspace this weekend. Not only is this young lady fairly cool (AND hot, and a good distraction), she's got a friend that might just be interested in carrying my jewelry. So LOTS of good comes from that connection!

Even better: there's another position at the library here in town, that I'm in the running for. This one is making LOTS of money, and has an awesome benefits package. And, theoretically, I could do all three jobs (thereby getting us to new mooring sooner)...

Oh... and speaking of my jewelry? There's a shop here in town that wants to carry it: I'll be picking up a bunch of my stuff from my sis, and bringing it home. Things are just looking up all over!

25 June 2008

Linking to others again.

Read a bit of this at Marko's, but Lab Rat pretty much says it all...


Was talking with my partner Dub the other day, and discussing the whole concept of "family".

See, Dub's old school: you stand by your family, even the one's you're not related to. And you stand by them come Hell or high water, backing their play. you may not agree with their chosen course, but you're there to help.

Oddly enough, that's how I was raised: you stand by your family. Of course, I was also raised that, when someone proves that they really AREN'T family, you boot 'em to the curb with the rest of the trash. Conversely, when someone demonstrates that they'll be there, you adopt 'em (usually over their violent protests).

Some here may know a bit about my family situation: I divorced almost all my original brothers and sisters, trading 'em in on better models (actually, Dub is in that "new & better" category). You would not BELIEVE some of the folks I've adopted over the years.

There's Fluke: a good friend of our ex girlfriend: she's always been there for Squeaker, and she's DEFINATELY been there for me over the last few weeks.

There's Dub: whom I had only met a couple times, but was able to pour my heart out to when things blew. And who's problems I've heard quite a bit. But we still back each-other

There's our Jules: another girl that I'm in love with (despite her getting ready to marry an actual nice guy). She hadn't done more than talk to me on the phone a few times when mom died: when I stepped out of the house to make the necessary calls, I called her first. And her immediate response, upon hearing of mom's passing? "Do you need me up there?"...

There's Turk, one of my oldest brothers. That boy and I have a LOOOONG history (some of which, I'm not sure the statute of limitations has run out on yet). The man who stood up with me at my wedding, keeping me from running out on on The Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me (you DID know that this is the job of the groomsmen, right?).

There's Skip (some on the boards know him as Bedlamite). Remember the phrase "friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies"? Yeah...

There's AJ: a woman without whom, I would be dead today. When my career in Unca Sugar's Yacht Club went pear-shaped, she was the person who kept me from shuffling off this mortal coil.

And then there are the inlaws.

Remember the old cartoons, featuring the "House of Tomorrow"? How the mother-in-law was always getting offed in some way? Yeah... wouldn't suggest trying that with my Nancy-mom: dad and I would probably be tripping over each-other to do damage to the offending party. When mom was sick, Nancy would drive a half-hour one way every day to take care of her ('cause she hated mom so much, you know). Christmas was always done like many others: Spoon and I would go to her parents on Christmas Eve, and my parents on Christmas Day. Trick is, it'd be the same group of people at both locations: my parents would come out for Eve, and her family would come out for Day. There may be a few different additions here & there, but it was one ginormus family, not two seperates...

There are loads of others, but I think you get the drift: the people you meet in life, that you end up leaning on most (and acting as a crutch yourself when needed). The people that, if you honestly got down to it, probably know you better than you know yourself (and yet are there for you, despite that).

So Dub and I got to talking about this, going on until Spoon got home from her new job. And it made me think of some of y'all on here, and comments on some of my recent posts.

I'd like to thank y'all. There was a time not all that long ago, where I was ready to throw in the towel and just say "fuck it!". I was afraid of posting some of what's gone on (and is going on) in my life, because I was afraid there would be general condemnation. Instead, y'all saw someone in pain, and reached out.

You've almost restored my faith in humanity, folks. Good job! Y'all go get yourselves a cookie.

And if you're ever going to be in NE Wisconsin, let me know: I kinda owe you one anyway.

23 June 2008

Just realized

That I never mentioned another lil' earth-shaker that happened recently.

My beloved Hondapotomus, in a pique of discontent at not having it's rear tire changed in a timely manner, decided to teach me a life lesson while traveling at 75 miles per hour.

Yes folks: you understood that right: I had a rear blow-out at 75mph. I honestly attribute my still being present to someone watching over my heathen ass.

I'm fine. The bike's mostly fine (still have to tweak the wiring a bit). But there was a Hell of an epiphany that day (story will be in the July issue of Freedom Roads)...

12 June 2008

Frelling weather!

So... Spoon and I are sitting here at Manitowoc Coffee, surfing the net and enjoying the ambience, when the sirens start goin' off: seems we have a tornado warning. Of course, I'm sitting next to the big picture window, making the staff nervous as they herd the kids down to the basement...

I don't think there's been a tornado hit Manitowoc in recorded history. I can see the sky quite clearly: it's a nice dark blue-grey, not any sort of pea-soup green. And ever'body's acting like the end of the world is neigh.

Sheesh... some people. Get a lil' rain, wind, and the possibility of sudden violent death, and they start to panic!

11 June 2008

Sunday School

First off, thanks to everyone for their good wishes: I was half expecting to be telling a bunch of people where to go. I'm doing fine: a bit confused, but fine. Putting things down here has helped.

Now, let's get back to fun for a bit!


Spoon suggested y’all might find this lil’ story interesting. See, I haven’t ALWAYS been pagan: used to be a Christian. Went to Sunday School ‘n’ everything. But I always had an… odd… reaction to things I was taught. Like the day we learned about Adam & Eve.

The teacher spent a LOOONG time explaining the story to us, in words that your average five-year-old could understand. Afterwards, she asked us if we understood what the story meant.

Me, being of a somewhat literal mind (but still eager to please), raised my hand to answer the question. Now, I know she wanted something about avoiding temptation, and resisting the Devil, an’ all that jazz. But like I said, I was very literal minded.

She looked at me (granted, with some trepidation), and said “Strings? What does the story teach you?”. And I responded, with all the dignity a five-year-old can muster:

“Never accept an apple from a naked lady!”

To this day, no matter how beautiful she is or how much I love the lady in question, I will NOT accept an apple offered by a naked woman. Guess the lesson stuck, huh?

10 June 2008

Changes aboard the Privateer...

Ok... I'm in a fairly good place emotionally right now, so I'll bare my life for y'all.

I had mentioned some "crew changes" aboard the Privateer. Maybe I should go into a little more detail. Just remember, y'all asked me to share: judge, and you'll get told where to go...

For those who haven't figured it out from previous posts, I'm polyamorous: literally, "many loves". I'm fairly devoted to my wife, Spoon, but there are other women that share my soul (if you will). One is in Mississippi (Jules), engaged to a nice guy and just had a child (which we will be doing our best to spoil). The other (Squeaker) has been living in Waukegan, and has been sharing our life almost as another wife... until just recently.

Seems she found herself another guy, and fell in love: on the phone. Needless to say, I've been going through a rollercoaster of hurt and confusion. Spoon, being nice to look at (but none too bright) has been a complete trooper: there was a reason I married her, and she's been reminding me of it constantly. As per normal, adversity just makes our relationship grow stronger...

So there y'all go: looks like the Privateer is losing a crew member. There may (at some point) be another addition: I know one of my new co-workers has been a true brother through this: he's been having his own troubles, and we've been commiserating quite a bit. And Spoon and I may one day find someone who wants to share our life: we'll see. For now though, our crew is down one... :(

Now where'd I put the rum?

08 June 2008

Sorry for the light posting

Hey folks, sorry for the extreme lack of posts. Things have been… interesting… here aboard the Privateer. We’re looking at new berthing, possibly some new crew, and maybe even a new voyage (we HAVE been at this dock for a long time).

For those who don’t get the nautical references: we may be moving to new digs soon, some people may be leaving our lives, others may be coming in, and new developments are opening new avenues to explore in our lives.

One of the new things is the new banner link: that’s where I now work, both as advertising sales and as writer (several pieces already published). It’ll either work out as the greatest job possible for me, or it’ll crash & burn spectacularly. Only time will tell.

Keep checking back (both of you): there will be more content here. Right now, things are very fluid, and difficult for me to write about. As they solidify, I’ll let y’all know.