07 March 2007

Things I've Learned: Marriage

Things I've Learned: Marriage

Over the years, I've learned one or two lil' things about the institution of marriage. Since I seem to play counselor for so many friends, I figured I'd share some...

1) NEVER go to sleep angry. Every time you sleep on anger, you double the problem. A small lack of sleep is FAR easier than divorce proceedings.

2) Regardless of the available space, NEVER put her clothes with yours. While she might be fine stealing what you normally wear, the time WILL come up where you'll be wondering why your underwear feels strange.

3) Tell her you love her... often. Buying her a new Maserati might be worth big points, but those three lil' words, spoken often and with sincerity, are worth more.

4) Do NOT involve friends in your relationship. Unless you're sleeping with another person, THE only folks that need to be involved are you and your spouse: anybody else's judgemental attitude about your relationship is less than worthless, and should be treated as such.

5) Do things both as a couple, and separately. No matter how much you love Cupcake, having her in your back pocket constantly WILL make you want to kill her eventually (and she's probably a better shot, and feeling the same about you). Spend some time apart occasionally.

6) Do lots of little things, just because. 99 cent silk flowers, handed off "'cause you felt like it", will make her feel far better than the dozen long-stemmed roses at Valentine's Day.

7) LISTEN when your partner talks. The absolute worst fights Spoon and I have had have been because one didn't listen to everything the other had said, and the resulting misunderstanding got blown all out of proportion.

And THE most important relationship advice I can give?

8) When the blow-up occurs... do NOT call me. Especially at 3 in the morning. I'll tell whomever does so that they should simply leave the asshat they're with, preferably shooting them in the kneecap on the way out the door

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