07 April 2009

Dating Advice for Bikers (and similar folks)

I had meant to publish this in the Feb issue of the magazine. Things got in the way, but I figure it might be fairly timely now...


Ok… some of my more astute readers may have cottoned to the fact there are… women… in my life. And, in talking to these fair folk, it occurs to me that some of the Y segment of the population could use some gentle advice.

Let me translate that for y’all: I’m gonna give you some ideas, so that I don’t constantly feel the need to apologize for the failings of my gender.

First off: if you wouldn’t do it to your mother (or would be irritated if it was done to your gal), don’t do it or say it to a girl you see in a bar. “Hey, you have nice titties!” just isn’t the show-stopper pick-up line you think it is. Ditto walking up and grabbing the aforementioned pieces of a lady’s architecture. You MIGHT, if you’re VERY lucky, be able to do that later in private. But those aren’t what you shake on someone when you first meet ‘em.

Next item: maybe, drop “bitch” from your vocabulary. Most women don’t like the term, and get cranky when referred to as such. Stick words like “whore”, “slut”, and any similar in the trash too. Not only do they usually not work for you, but they make life damn difficult for the next few guys out there.

And one of the big secrets, which most completely miss out on: it’s the little things that matter. Yes, that diamond ring, new Sof Tail, or similar extravigence might make her “drop her panties” immediately, but it’s the little things that will have the longest effect. I’m talking about just sending a random text message, to let her know you’re thinking of her. Or picking up a flower “just because”. Out on a ride with the guys? Most gas stations have little things that, if you think about it, your gal would just melt over. One of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen on Spoon’s face (other than at a machinegun shoot) was when I presented her with a lil’ stuffed “biker monkey”. Why, you ask? Because it showed that, while I was away, I had thought of her.

I can hear y’all now: “Strings, you just don’t know how to deal with women!”. Yeah… that’s why, if you ever meet me in person, there are usually two gorgeous ladies with me: because I don’t know what I’m talking about. Trust me guys: these three pieces of advice will take you VERY far!

1 comment:

Hammer said...

I agree 100%

However, it doesn't help one bit when 14 year old girls in the mall wear t-shirts that say "slut" and "porn star"

We have a major problem with decency and modesty in this country.